Dr. Sylvia Rimm is a child psychologist, clinical professor at Case University School of Medicine, author, newspaper and magazine columnist, and radio/TV personality. Her advice column appears  regularly in 2e Newsletter. You can visit her website at  www.sylviarimm.com.

For a free newsletter on helping kids after divorce or Dr. Rimm's new book, Rescuing the Emotional Lives of Overweight Children, send a large self‑addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or read more about her book at   www.sylviarimm.com.

If you have a question for Dr. Rimm, please send it to: DrSylvia@2eNewsletter.com.   

I have a son who is gifted. His father and I have been divorced since he was four months old, and he’s been back and forth between our homes. My son is about 30 pounds overweight and has no self-confidence. I’d really like to help him get into shape and be confident. Can you recommend what would help us?

A

Both divorce and overweight can be damaging to a child’s self-esteem. With reference to the divorce, your son’s adjustment will depend a great deal on how you and your former husband manage his custody. If you are respectful to each other, and your son can have a good relationship with both of you, he’s more likely to feel good about himself. If your son feels rejected by his father, or if you speak negatively about his dad, he’s less likely to feel confident.

Your son’s weight is also a serious issue. Not only does it cause a problem for his health, but peers and adults alike may be very hard on your son. Teasing, name calling, and rejection happen frequently to overweight children. Being sensitive to his pain is a first step in helping him become stronger. He’ll need to learn how to ignore the insults of others and find strength through his interests and talents.

Try to engage him in planning a healthy lifestyle of appropriate eating and exercise. You’ll need to be a role model of good health as well. He may avoid joining sports teams. In that case, encourage him to participate in walking, jogging, bicycling, or other individual physical activities. Be sure that he isn’t lonely and doesn’t spend too much time alone, or he’ll soon get into the habit of eating to comfort himself. My book, Rescuing the Emotional Lives of Overweight Children (Rodale, 2004), has many other suggestions for you.