Dr. Sylvia Rimm is a child psychologist, clinical professor at Case University School of Medicine, author, newspaper and magazine columnist, and radio/TV personality. Her advice column appears  regularly in 2e Newsletter. You can visit her website at  www.sylviarimm.com.

For a free newsletter about See Jane Win® for Girls or Growing Up Too Fast, or about gifted children, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or go to  www.sylviarimm.com for more  information. 

If you have a question for Dr. Rimm, please send it to: DrSylvia@2eNewsletter.com.

Q

My 12-year-old daughter is struggling with the fact that she’s gifted. She says it makes her a "freak" at school. Other kids call her "the brain," making her feel like she's not a normal kid. She’s well-liked and gets along with everyone in her grade, but that isn't enough to make her feel good about being smart. What can I do to help her through this?

A

Middle school can be a difficult time for gifted kids because popularity becomes the most important status goal. Gifted kids often experience some very mixed feelings during this time, and they require a tremendous amount of parent support and encouragement to stay on the right track and value their excellent abilities. Actually, in my research for my book Growing Up Too Fast: The Rimm Report on the Secret World of America’s Middle Schoolers (Rodale, 2005), I found that most middle school kids want to feel above average, but sometimes being identified as a “brain,” makes them feel too different and isolated from others. You can help your daughter to feel good about her abilities by assuring her that years from now, she’ll be very happy that she's smart, and kids will no longer worry about the popular label. Being smart, creative and hard working will undoubtedly lead her to friends who share her values and career success. You can also reassure her that there are many other gifted kids who probably feel the ambiguity she’s feeling, both in her school and in many other schools. If she gets involved in areas of her skills and interests, she'll undoubtedly find friends who value her skills. Computer clubs, debate, drama, music, math teams, Girl Scouts, science clubs, creativity teams and art classes are a few of the areas that will help her to find kids who share her talents or interests. You may wish to enroll her in a summer program for gifted students so that she can meet other gifted children who will help her not to feel so lonely with her giftedness.

In my See Jane Win research on the childhoods of over 1000 successful women, many of the women remembered difficult conflicts during the middle, and even high school, years. They resolved those problems, typically, by finding like-minded kids who shared their love of learning. That should certainly inspire your daughter. She'll actually enjoy my book See Jane Win® for Girls (Free Spirit Publishing, Inc., 2003), written specifically for girls her age.

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