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Ask Dr. Sylvia Rimm
September, 2006
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Dr. Sylvia Rimm is a child psychologist, clinical professor at Case University School of Medicine, author, newspaper and magazine columnist, and radio/TV personality. Her advice column appears regularly in 2e Newsletter. You can visit her website at www.sylviarimm.com. For a free newsletter about How Jane Won and perfectionism, send a large self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI, 53094, or go to www.seejanewin.com for more information. If you have a question for Dr. Rimm, please send it to: DrSylvia@2eNewsletter.com.
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My child has been identified as gifted, and I was also identified as gifted as a child. I didn’t receive much support but did receive many accolades and praise from my mother and others. It wasn’t until college that things stopped coming easily to me. I’m afraid that the only times in my life I’ve felt truly rewarded were in high school and graduate school when I pursued my academic and creative interests fully. I wanted to ask you how to “undo” the damage that was done by the overpraise and my perfectionism. I’ve spent years in therapy and exploring self-help options trying to find some inner peace as well as fulfillment, but I always feel like there’s more I could and should be doing than raising my children and minimally pursuing my professional and personal interests. Is there any book or other supports you could recommend to help me? |
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Perfectionism and childhood high achievement can sometimes get in the way of life-long accomplishment when adults fear that anything they do will not be good enough. While raising children can provide joy, part of your frustration may be due, in part, to the great deal of time and commitment that children take coupled with the fact that they hardly ever tell you what a wonderful job you’re doing. As a matter of fact, mothers aren’t even sure that their day-to-day commitment will result in children who grow up to be happy and successful. Many women in my study of successful women found their passions and interests in very different areas after their children matured and freed them up for finding their own careers. Childbearing and childrearing take valuable time, and a balanced life for women may, indeed, come in varying sequences. So while you may feel directionless at this time in your life, and your day-to-day chores may not be that satisfying, this is a great time for you to explore new interests that may lead you to careers or avocations later when you have more time. Many women in my study found great satisfaction in careers that they began late in life and eventually, retrospectively, were happy they had devoted time to earlier childrearing. I believe you would find my books, See Jane Win and How Jane Won, inspiring for exploring the varying approaches pursued by women in finding their life satisfactions. See Jane Win shares the research findings on successful women, and How Jane Won provides 55 life stories of women who pursued a variety of careers and life choices.
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