This column offers a parent’s perspective. Columnists rotate, each giving their perspective on raising twice-exceptional children. In this issue we welcome Joan Affenit, a parent who has written previously for 2e Newsletter.

How do we, as parents of 2e children, decide on the most appropriate placement for our hard-to-fit children? Do we homeschool? Should we stick with public school and hope they learn to “fit in” and succeed? Would a private school be more flexible and, therefore, more appropriate? Is a private gifted school necessary? Is a private therapeutic school the best fit? What if none of these solutions seems to be a reasonable option?

I’m far from an expert, rather a parent of two 2e children; but I have expertise from the school of hard knocks. I’d like to share what I’ve learned from my own experiences and those of friends and acquaintances with 2e children.

Public School

Public schools vary wildly, as wildly as the profiles of 2e children. However, most, probably 80 to 90 percent, deal with 2e students very poorly, if at all. How well your child can, and will, fare in public school depends on many factors:

1. How severe your child’s disabilities or deficits are, and how strongly they impact academic performance and social success

2. Your ability to finance private school or to stay home and homeschool your child

3. Your school district’s willingness to consider paying the tuition for your child at a more appropriate school.

Many parents keep their 2e children in public school only because they don’t feel financially able to pursue other options. Some have ideological reasons for wanting to stay and fight their way through the system.

 Generally, if your child has one discipline where he or she excels in class (especially math), it is easier to get the public school to differentiate than if your child has a deficit like AD/HD, which impacts all disciplines and makes it more difficult to demonstrate mastery in any particular one.

The disadvantages of staying in public school include:

1. Battling with the school year after year and expending countless hours preparing for IEP meetings in which you will usually have to justify and re-justify the accommodations your child receives

2. Having a difficult time finding true peers through school – other 2e kids or other GT kids who are accepting of 2e friends

3. The likelihood that your child’s academic needs will not really be satisfactorily met, and a high probability that your child’s social challenges will be significant, depending on his or her profile.

How severe and varied are your child’s deficits? Children with only one area of difficulty are more likely to be able to be successfully accommodated in the public school environment. What can still be a problem, though, is that even milder deficits can mask your child’s ability and make it more difficult to qualify for advanced coursework.

Several districts nationwide have started 2e programs, with mixed results. In those districts, some families have been quite satisfied with the programming their 2e kids received, and others were not. The key is caution. Even in states where 2e statutes were added and where schools claim to have a 2e program, many parents find the provisions less than adequate. It is still, in the end, dependent on the particular school, and even the particular teacher. There is also the risk, which I have faced myself, of planning to move to a district which has a 2e program only to have that district shut down or severely curtail the 2e program due to funding constraints.

Homeschooling

For many 2e families, the primary reason for homeschooling may be an inability to find a school that truly meets their child’s academic, social, and emotional needs. Homeschooling has a lot of advantages for the 2e child, especially because in most locations there are few schools of any kind, public or private, really equipped or trained to provide the 2e child with an appropriate education. Homeschooling offers maximum flexibility, at least in most states. (California seems to be a glaring exception, where the laws are very strict and getting stricter.) In a flexible environment your child can feel more successful. With increased self-esteem, your child can more easily find the strength to overcome and compensate for deficits in healthy ways. Furthermore, in the homeschool environment, the square peg has fewer mandatory round holes to try to cram into.

Homeschooling tends to provide the best outcome when started at the onset, in kindergarten or before. Keeping a 2e child out of the public school environment in the first place helps shield the child from labeling. I started homeschooling my 2e child this year, and have found that it is taking quite a long time for positive messages to replace the negative ones my son heard for five years in public school. Many 2e children, as they grow older, learn to use their strengths to compensate for their deficits in healthy ways and avoid the LD label altogether.

Homeschooling also allows children to develop positive self-esteem during the most formative years. On balance, homeschooling groups and homeschooled children tend to be more accepting of individual differences. Because homeschoolers deal daily with multi-age groups, the 2e child does not stand out as much in a more heterogeneous environment.

Homeschooling is valuable when you are in a situation where your child is being discriminated against in terms of gifted programming and honors classes due to disabilities. It’s also valuable in counteracting serious bullying or other negative social experiences.

If you have highly gifted or profoundly gifted 2e kids, homeschooling allows you to accelerate them in one or many disciplines, as rapidly as they choose. Through one-on-one interaction, you eliminate the barriers that deficits might otherwise create. In my case, my son rarely writes for content areas at home; he gets his writing practice through calligraphy or pencil work for vision therapy. In school, it was an endless battle to convince his teachers that no, it was not a good day when he “managed” to write all day; that meant he sucked his cognitive energy dry just to write.

Private Schools: Gifted

Most gifted schools tend to focus on high-achieving, neuro-typical students, many of whom may not even be gifted. If your child cannot succeed without intervention in the school’s established format, be prepared in advance for the possibility that he or she might be turned down by private gifted schools. Most gifted schools do not have special education staff of any kind.

Private Schools: General

While it is the luck of the draw to have a good private school in your area, there are some private schools where 2e children can thrive. These schools are good at individualizing instruction, and they’re accustomed to taking in students who are outside the box. To find these schools, tap into the local community of 2e families. If there’s no such community, check with families of gifted children and check with families of LD children who have LD profiles similar to your child’s. Use this information to find a school where two axes converge – that is, where both gifted and LD children find their needs well met. Small class size and a flexible administration are key.

Private Schools: Therapeutic

Private therapeutic schools tend to do very well dealing with a child’s deficits but often do not address gifted needs as well. Some, however, are individualized enough that they do a fair job with both sets of needs.

Ascertain your comfort level with the risk of labeling your child based on the reputation of the school, though labeling is an issue in public school as well. There is also a wide variance among private therapeutic schools in terms of the severity of the problems suffered by the children. Make certain that your child is a good fit for the school.

Conclusion

Often, the choices we seem to make by necessity turn out to be a blessing in disguise. I worry endlessly about the middle school experience for my son, and the high school and college years for both. But at least I now know there are more options than I realized. The key is to find the alternative that provides the most advantages with the fewest drawbacks. At the least, you want an alternative in which the drawbacks are not “fatal” to your child’s education or to your child’s emotional and psychological well-being. Keep in mind something I have to be reminded of again and again: a decision doesn’t have to be forever.

In the 2e community, parents are more likely to do things out of necessity than by choice. However, if you really compare your options in terms of what will work rather than what you would prefer, you might be surprised to realize you have some choice after all.

Joan Affenit is a parent advocate living in Buffalo Grove, Illinois. She is an active member of the Illinois Association for Gifted Children’s Underserved Populations Committee, a self-appointed lobbyist for 2e issues in Illinois and the nation, and has recently started a local 2e support group. She welcomes your e-mail at j.affenit@comcast.net.