You might say that Monica has some experience with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). She’s raised two boys, one with OCD and Tourette’s Syndrome, the other profoundly gifted with OCD. Plus, her former husband has OCD as well. 

When asked how the prevalence of this disorder has affected the family, she wrote this reply: “Each family member has their own symptoms and what I would call peculiarities, lol [short for laugh out loud]…It’s tough on the family. It nearly drove me nuts having three people all with different obsessions.” 

For example, the boys’ dad “obsessed at one stage about country music...first panning it, then embracing it with a vengeance only the OCD could.” One son “is obsessive about cleanliness, among too many other things.” The other son “can’t let issues go, which may also be a TS issue.” 

School, according to Monica, presented its own challenges. “Teachers didn’t understand OCD or anything else about my kids...the reason why I was at school a lot of the time. I did long hours reading, researching, and trying to get a handle on it all so I could explain it to others.” Tolerance, she said, “came with education...me educating others. I also had to educate the family – the kids themselves – so that they could alter their behavior.”

When asked if her children took medication for their OCD, Monica explained, “We didn’t do drugs. I was determined that my kids would understand their conditions, learn to deal with them in a real-world context, and become socially acceptable under their own steam –  by looking at how their behavior affected others. I would do role plays with them, plus we learned lots about ourselves through other people’s eyes. We would ask them how our behavior was affecting them. Most people were happy to explain to us, but some people just got up our noses. The latter we tolerated and took what we could from that, as an illustration that THEY also had a problem, and it wasn’t ours!”

What has helped the family cope with the stress of living with OCD is humor. “Humor was our greatest advantage,” Monica explained. “Without it, we would have gone under. It’s interesting how much fun we can have at our own expense. Being too sensitive about it can bring more pain than is necessary. We are all born with our bits and pieces, and learning to live WITH them, versus against them, is the secret.”

When the issue of giftedness plus OCD came up, Monica replied that she believed “giftedness did help with understanding. Both my kids are very self-aware, and this helped the behavior modification method I used.”

Monica has some advice for other parents of gifted children with OCD. First, she stated that “every person with OCD has it differently. Try what others do, but LISTEN to your own children. Observe them in all situations and role play to help them understand.”

Then she added that “it always helps to show and tell our kids that we don’t necessarily understand what they are going through, but we have our own problems to deal with in living with them. Its OK for us to ‘go nuts’ occasionally and tell them how we feel, just as they need to tell us how THEY feel. Empathy is great.”

Monica raised her children in Hawaii, where her older son is working and attending school. She currently lives in New Zealand with her younger son, who attends college.