Parent's Perspective: May, 2010

The Search for a Psychotherapist

By Allison La Rosa, L.C.S.W., A.C.S.W.

It’s never easy accepting that your child is experiencing emotional problems and needs therapy. Even being a therapist myself didn’t save me from agonizing over the fact that my youngest son, then 11, was clearly suffering from depression and would need the help of a therapist and of a psychiatrist for medication.

The anxiety my husband and I felt was intense, not to mention the anger. Our sweet, creative, and intelligent son had already gone through surgery as an infant to correct a birth defect; had been diagnosed with a learning disability, dysgraphia, and sensory issues in first grade; and had also apparently inherited the depression that runs in both our families. How much should one person be asked to bear? The whole family was suffering. My older son and daughter were deeply worried and told me their brother needed help as he began to fall apart at home and at school.

Our son had been in therapy earlier to help him cope with self-esteem issues, but this was different. I knew we did not have the money to pay a private therapist who specialized in 2e kids, but I was determined to find someone in our insurance plan who would be able and willing to work with and understand a 2e child — someone who wouldn’t be offended if I attempted to help him or her understand what 2e meant and the emotional and social challenges it presents.  

I knew from working with 2e kids and their families that it’s a total relief when someone “really gets your kid,” a phrase which has given me tremendous satisfaction when I’d heard it from my clients. I wanted this for my own son — someone who would appreciate the contradictions and complexities, while seeing the strengths and gifts, and would be willing to tap into them to help my son get better. I also wanted someone who would really enjoy working with him because I know children can just sense that emotional connection and benefit tremendously from it when it’s present.  

My husband and I began the task of narrowing down therapists from only those who were experienced in working with children and adolescents, to those who were familiar with disability-related issues or had seen a child they either knew or considered to be gifted. Although no one on our list had worked with a child identified as 2e, we finally selected a therapist. We liked his training and that he worked in a highly respected agency. Our son liked him, too. In addition, this therapist was willing to work with our son’s psychiatrist and school, both vital since communication is key.

As it turned out, the therapist we chose was able to understand which of my son’s issues were typical of teens and which were related to his disabilities and giftedness. Now, after struggling emotionally to get through middle school, my 15-year-old son actually likes high school. Therapy has been key in getting him through a rather rocky early adolescence. How far he has come was driven home for us last May when our child with erratic grades and often low self-esteem placed third in New York state’s National History Day competition for his documentary film. Even more wonderful was the reaction of his private therapist as well as his school psychologist, both of whom had been so supportive. They, along with his teachers, had been cheering him on throughout the competitions; and they, too, were proud of him and thrilled by his accomplishment. 

Allison La Rosa is a bilingual clinical social worker with over 20 years in the field. She is currently working in early intervention with families of young children who are delayed or disabled and as a psychotherapist with children, adolescents, and families. She resides on Long Island with her husband and their three 2e kids.